Backpost - After Indianapolis

Well, Stewart pulled it off again, and when I say that, I mean he pulled both hands off the wheel on the front straight with about 10 laps to go. Now that's not as impressive as they made us think on TV, I mean, c'mon, I do that all the time, BK cheeseburger in one hand, cell phone in the other, shifting with my elbow and steering with a knee. Show me something, like how to get away with cursing on national TV and in front of 250,000 fans. Oh, OK. Yeah, you do have some skills.

Well, JJ caught fire (yay!) and Jr blew up (boo). Kurt Busch cried foul on pit road (douche), and Happy got invited to the NASCAR hauler (uh oh!). Don't be surprised to see some penalties on Tuesday. Rough driving after the race (#29) and the "S" word in the post race (#20). Kurt Busch took a 100 point penalty for rough driving off the track a couple weeks ago, and junior took a 100 point penalty about 2 years ago for using the "S" word after a win. That could make a difference as we get closer to the chase.

Quote of the race - Jimmy Johnson - "That's the first time I've had flames inside the car". This cannot be said for Jamie McMurray or Michael Waltrip.

Sorry Steve, I didn't watch much of the pre-race. I thought ESPN did a decent job. Lots of commercials, but I have gotta give them credit for not cutting in to show Barry Bonds at bats. In fact, I don't think anyone was showing it nationally. That's gotta be embarrassing. No one wants that human pharmacy to break the record, and no one really seems to want to see it on TV. They are not even showing it now on the after show. Here, I'll give it to you "live" Ball, Strike, reached on Error. HA! Douchebag's not even going to get a hit. Anyway, that draft track was really pathetic. It looked like a 3 year old using photoshop with an oven mitt on. Weak. The RCR tech trailer, however, was really cool. Using that technology to show how parts work is the way to go. TNT and Fox can learn form this, rather than showing us little hard to see images of a real engine. I also really like the restarts when they tune into like 15 radio frequencies. That I like. I guess I will give ESPN at least another week before I start trashing them.

This week, the #12, which looked really strong in practice and qualifying, tanked early and finished 42nd. Inskeep, you have lost one of your drivers. Looks like my sister is the only entry left with 2 drivers.

Next week - Back to Pocono. From a square track to a triangular one.

Standings after Indy:

Eliminated Drivers:

Dover - #2 Kurt Busch (Scott Mann)
Charlotte - #16 Greg Biffle (Jon Lommerin)
Pocono - #48 Jimmy Johnson (Jon Lommerin) - ELIMINATED
Michigan - #17 Matt Kenseth (Kenny Ross)
Sonoma - #veintiséis (thats #26 for those of from north of the border) Jamie McMurray (ME)
Louden - #07 Clint Bowyer (Curtis Krakowski)
Daytona - #11 Denny Hamlin (Thornton) - ELIMINATED
Chicago - #70 Johnny Sauter (Steve Shaffer)
Indianapolis - #12 Ryan Newman (Mike Inskeep)

Survivors:
#24 (Inskeep)
#99 (Ross)
#31 (Krakowski)
#8 (Shaffer)
#20 (Mann)
#29 (Mikesell)
#5 (Mikesell)

Backpost - After Sonoma

Let me just start by saying TNT's coverage of racing is just about the worst television ever produced. Maybe I just didn't notice last week since I was at the race, or maybe it was a one time thing, but it sucked ass like Michael Waltrip sucks c#%k.. This new host guy, Marc Fein, knows about as much about NASCAR as I do about NASA; and on top of his ignorance he comes off as the type of douchebag that tries to bang your teenage sister. Then they let Kyle petty curse on air (which I rather enjoyed) which meant they would only play tape delay of his in-car from then forward (which sucked since that was the only good material they had all day). Now there is Wally, who, despite being a bit of a douche himself, does know his stuff. I can tolerate him, and I can tolerate Larry McRenyolds, but his voice was a problem today. I understood JP Monyota easier (we will get into that later) than Larry's laryngytisized (I made that word up) voice. Then, as if things weren't already a disaster, they ran four (YES 4) commercial breaks during the last 20 green flag laps. WTF are they thinking (my BFF Jill)? There was great racing all the way around the track and we were all waiting for the fuel to run dry for the leaders and these guys are hawking the Bill Engvall show (also a douchebag, by the way). As if that wasn't enough, they go to commercial before the third place car even crosses the freaking start/finish line! Another set of commercials involving a crappy fourth Die Hard movie (third, fourth, whatever, just let me rant for a minute) and then they get to the good part - the Montoya Interview.

But, before I get into that debacle THEY NEVER RAN THE FINISHING POSITIONS ON THE TV! Right before they cut away to Vin Diesel in Pitch Black (see, now they have me promoting their crappy third-class network) the did show the championship standings, but never the finishing positions. Gee, Thanks, you a$$holes.

Now the entertaining stuff - Juan Pablo Montoya pulled out his first victory in the Cup Series and only his second in a stock car, and this time he didn't have to wreck a teammate to get there. I have to admit, he is one great race car driver, but what he is not is a great English speaker. He did a great "yob" driving, and his crew did a great "yob", but he pretty much wrecked in the post race interview. I'm not 100% sure what he said after the race, but I swear to god he said something about herpes twice. I only pray I can locate a sound bite from that post race somewhere because it is pure comic genius. He is all excited and out of breath and speaking Spanglish like Bumblebee Man on the Simpsons, and he's telling the world about his herpes? El petimetre, toma algunas lecciones de discurso, (go here http://ets.freetranslation.com/ to find out what that means, by the way) you are a public figure in a largely Caucasian blue-collar American environment. Even Vicki thought he was saying herpes. Hairpins:herpes; tomato:tomatoe; douchebag:douche bag. Whatever.

Oh, by the way, the #26 car of Jamie McMurray led a great chunk of the end of that race, only to finish 37th. Dude, you knew you were going to run out of fuel. You know what I do in those situations? I stop for more. Apparently Jamie and Crew Chief Larry Carter missed that 30 seconds of drivers education. Jesus, I went through the Michigan Public School system and even I can figure that one out. What he needs is an idiot light in that car. Had he stopped, he would have likely salvaged a top 20. Yes, yes, yes. HE WAS ELIMINATED FROM THE SURVIVOR SERIES TODAY. Yep, I lost a driver. But, not by much. It looks like Steve Shaffer's #70 eked out another week with a poor, but not poor enough finish of 31st. For a long time during hat race douche-cast I was brainstorming how I was going to sympathize with Shaffer after getting stuck with Johnny Sauter, but who's laughing now? Actually, I can't complain, Sauter is one of my favorite drivers and McMurray is a homo (have you noticed that he mentions his "girlfriend" in every interview? Hmmmm. can you say "beard"), but that doesn't mean I have to go easy on either one.

Next week we go back to turning left the whole time. Yay! NHIS at 1:00 on Sunday on, you guessed it, TNT. This means it will likely start at about 4:30.

Anyway, here are the current standings.

Eliminated Drivers:

Dover - #2 Kurt Busch (Scott Mann)
Charlotte - #16 Greg Biffle (Jon Lommerin)
Pocono - #48 Jimmy Johnson (Jon Lommerin) - ELIMINATED
Michigan - #17 Matt Kenseth (Kenny Ross)
Sonoma - #veintiséis (thats #26 for those of from north of the border) Jamie McMurray (ME)

Survivors:

#24 (Inskeep)
#12 (Inskeep)
#99 (Ross)
#11 (Thornton)
#31 (Krakowski)
#07 (Krakowski)
#8 (Shaffer)
#70 (Shaffer)
#20 (Mann)
#29 (Mikesell)
#5 (Mikesell)

Backpost - After Michigan

Now that I am done pulling out the debris embedded in the left side of my body from those great front row seats we had yesterday (see the attached photo to get an idea of what we were seeing all day long), I have found some time to send you this weeks results.

It was not the most exciting race to see live, but in the end Ken Ross's team saw the best and the worst. Carl "The Pope" Edwards (Ken Ross) took his #99 Office Depot Ford to victory lane while the #17 car of Matt Kenseth (also Ken Ross) took his car behind the wall early in the race, finishing 42nd and thus being eliminated from the league. It wasn't even close. The next worst finish was 26th from a solid Johnny Sauter run in the #70 (Steve Shaffer).

I believe we have a solid mystery prize for this session. Scott and I have a little work to do to have it ready, but we have about 3 months to take care of it.

All in all, it was a great day at the race. Special thanks to Scott and Carol, Louie and Joe for all the work they did to get us there, and especially for Carols luck in getting us those great seats (seriously, it was like that little kid in the UPS commercial when the cars went by in a group - the whole front row leaned to the right under the pressure of the wind.

Next week - A road course! This is any one's ballgame. Better hope your surviving drivers can turn right - or at least, better hope someone else's driver is worse at it. Infineon is not the easiest track to master.

Here is where the league stands as of Michigan:

Eliminated Drivers:

Dover - #2 Kurt Busch (Scott Mann)
Charlotte - #16 Greg Biffle (Jon Lommerin)
Pocono - #48 Jimmy Johnson (Jon Lommerin) - ELIMINATED
Michigan - #17 Matt Kenseth (Kenny Ross)

Survivors:

#24 (Inskeep)
#12 (Inskeep)
#99 (Ross)
#11 (Thornton)
#26 (Thornton)
#31 (Krakowski)
#07 (Krakowski)
#8 (Shaffer)
#70 (Shaffer)
#20 (Mann)
#29 (Mikesell)
#5 (Mikesell)

Backpost - After Chicago

Well, I actually slept through the first half of the race. I was all pumped up at 2:30 to watch some racing; little did I know that TNT needed to broadcast for a total of 6 hours to get all their advertising in after last weeks deal, even though the race only took about 3 hours. By the time the race actually started I was ready for my mid-race snooze.

So, they went back to the old familiar format this week with the full screen and the ticker at the top. I could see more this week than last week. I still can't figure out why they think running a constant add over 20% of the screen was an improvement last time. Douchebags.

Oh yeah, there was a race in between Saving Grace Commercials. Not a great one, but a race nonetheless. There were about 3 cars that looked like they had the stuff to win this week. The #17, the #29 and the #20. In the end Smoke in the #20 pulled out his first victory of 2007. I loved hearing Wally say the #20 team is better late in the season. Late in the season? Its the dead middle, dumbass. Is late starting right past half way now? So if I grab a sandwich at 12:30, is that a late lunch now?

And yes, he climbed the fence. This is getting old. I honestly fear for his life every time, which is exciting, but I like the guys better that take the Barry Sanders route and "act like you've been there before". Make a lap, maybe do some burnouts or whatever, and go to victory lane and get your picture taken already. I don't have time for your gymnastics. I was however, looking for that Old Spice ad on his armpits. I did not see it. I think that commercial may be a farce. Hmmm.

Steve finally lost Johnny Sauter this week. The run is over Steve. It was fun while it lasted, but Valparaiso wasn't going to win the NCAA tournament in 1998, and Sauter wasn't going to win this league. He did, however go out a strong 22nd in a field where 6 of the 9 remaining were in the top 10. I was honestly hoping the 48 was still in this when he wrecked out, but Jon lost him earlier at Pocono (I was also hoping for a JJ injury, but I went 0 for 2)

I watched the whole deal in 1080i with 5.1 surround this week (racking up credit card dept at an astronomical pace). Mark Fein is still bad at his job, even in HD and surround sound.

Off weekend coming up, then we hit Indy, and a bunch of guys will hit the turn 4 wall. Hopefully none of your guys are included.

Standings after Chicago:

Eliminated Drivers:

Dover - #2 Kurt Busch (Scott Mann)
Charlotte - #16 Greg Biffle (Jon Lommerin)
Pocono - #48 Jimmy Johnson (Jon Lommerin) - ELIMINATED
Michigan - #17 Matt Kenseth (Kenny Ross)
Sonoma - #veintiséis (thats #26 for those of from north of the border) Jamie McMurray (ME)
Louden - #07 Clint Bowyer (Curtis Krakowski)
Daytona - #11 Denny Hamlin (Thornton) - ELIMINATED
Chicago - #70 Johnny Sauter (Steve Shaffer)

Survivors:

#24 (Inskeep)
#12 (Inskeep)
#99 (Ross)
#31 (Krakowski)
#8 (Shaffer)
#20 (Mann)
#29 (Mikesell)
#5 (Mikesell)

Backpost - After Pepsi 400

Well, let me just start by saying "someone has to be second", and in this case that's me - second one out. Thanks to some creative driving by Tony Stewart in the #20 car, Denny Hamlin was wrecked out of the last Pepsi 400 early in the even while leading. The wreck took out the class of the field and allowed for some competitive racing the rest of the evening.

Lots of good stuff to see during the broadcast this week. First of all, the little girl from America's Got Talent made every other professional performer that has sung the national anthem this year look like amateurs. I don't know who the hell she is, but she really belted it out. Speaking of belts, I thought the belt of Kevin James was going to burst during his "Gentlemen Start your engines". Kevin, I place you in the top two greatest race starters ever, right behind Matthew McConaughey.

The race was the race. Guys turned left a bunch. At least one turned right (#20) into my guy. I don't by his excuse for running Hamlin over. Yes, Tony. We do expect you to go around a slower car if he slows down in the turn, or on the straight, or in pits. Go around, not through. The #5 driver complained after losing by a hair that he didn't have any teammates out there. You are absolutely right Kyle, you have no teammates out there. maybe its because you barely have control of your car 99% of the time. I wouldn't want to be right behind you either when I can see your door most the of the way around the track. That #5 was loose like NAME REMOVED FOR THE PROTECTION OF FUTURE BEER TABS.

McMurray pulled off the win. Where was that at Sonoma when you got eliminated? It was good to see that car back in victory lane. It was also good to see McMurray's "girlfriend" finally after weeks of him claiming she existed. I don't know about you, but they sure didn't look to close during the post race. Can you say "beard"? I bet she didn't even know who he was before the modeling agency called her on Friday after qualifying was rained out and he got a decent starting position. I mean, please. Was anyone really surprised to see Jamie in tears after the race?

OK, TNT. Better, but still crappy. I am not buying the whole "we have to take a break to fulfill our commitments to the local cable companies advertising." yeah, then why was the first 30 second of the 90 second break a TNT commercial every time? And the "Wide Open" format? C'mon, are we idiots? I bought an HD TV not 30 minutes before the race. There was no difference between 4:3 and 16:9. And "we moved the tickers to the bottom to get them out of the picture", then they run giant commercials in the bottom right all night, covering up half the screen. better, guys, but you have a lot of work to do.

OK, next week we hit the windy city. This is close to home for Kenseth; Its a favorite of Harvick (with 2 wins); and Lovie Smith is the Grand Marshal. so based on that formula I predict a win for the #24 and a wreck of the #42, a pissed off #20 and #5, and a gay #26 and #55 (although the #55 won't make the race), oh, and another solid finish for the #70 keeping him in the league.

Standings after Pepsi 400 at Daytona:

Eliminated Drivers:

Dover - #2 Kurt Busch (Scott Mann)
Charlotte - #16 Greg Biffle (Jon Lommerin)
Pocono - #48 Jimmy Johnson (Jon Lommerin) - ELIMINATED
Michigan - #17 Matt Kenseth (Kenny Ross)
Sonoma - #veintiséis (thats #26 for those of from north of the border) Jamie McMurray (ME)
Louden - #07 Clint Bowyer (Curtis Krakowski)
Daytona - #11 Denny Hamlin (Thornton) - ELIMINATED

Survivors:

#24 (Inskeep)
#12 (Inskeep)
#99 (Ross)
#31 (Krakowski)
#8 (Shaffer)
#70 (Shaffer)
#20 (Mann)
#29 (Mikesell)
#5 (Mikesell)

Backpost - After NHIS

OK, this week I promise to go easy on TNT. It still sucked - missed action on frequent and long commercial breaks and horrible communication between cast members, among many other issues.

The race was a snoozer up until about 20 laps to go. The #11 of Denny Hamlin pulled out a victory to take me from worst to first and insure I survive another week. But, that's not what this league is all about, now is it? This week the #07 had multiple issues resulting in a laps down finish of 37th. Curtis, your driver has been eliminated. A shame, because according to Ricki Rackman, the 07 car was going to win next week (on 07-07-07).

It wasn't even close this week. The next worst finish was Johnny Sauter at 14th (again, proving Shaffer knows how to pick a sleeper) if the #70 keeps this up he will end making quite the dark horse run. All it takes is a decent finish for another 8 races and Steve is in the money!

See you next week, Saturday night racing at Daytona. Restrictor plates. Hopefully, this new TNT coverage that they have been touting will be like a restrictor plate on commercial breaks. By the way, I don't care how many awards Holly Hunter has, that annoying accent and smirk are not going to make a crappy TNT drama worth watching. I think I saw more of her today than the #8.

Here is where we stand as of NHIS:

Eliminated Drivers:

Dover - #2 Kurt Busch (Scott Mann)
Charlotte - #16 Greg Biffle (Jon Lommerin)
Pocono - #48 Jimmy Johnson (Jon Lommerin) - ELIMINATED
Michigan - #17 Matt Kenseth (Kenny Ross)
Sonoma - #veintiséis (thats #26 for those of from north of the border) Jamie McMurray (ME)
Louden - #07 Clint Bowyer (Curtis Krakowski)

Survivors:

#24 (Inskeep)
#12 (Inskeep)
#99 (Ross)
#11 (Thornton)
#31 (Krakowski)
#8 (Shaffer)
#70 (Shaffer)
#20 (Mann)
#29 (Mikesell)
#5 (Mikesell)