Backpost - After Sonoma

Let me just start by saying TNT's coverage of racing is just about the worst television ever produced. Maybe I just didn't notice last week since I was at the race, or maybe it was a one time thing, but it sucked ass like Michael Waltrip sucks c#%k.. This new host guy, Marc Fein, knows about as much about NASCAR as I do about NASA; and on top of his ignorance he comes off as the type of douchebag that tries to bang your teenage sister. Then they let Kyle petty curse on air (which I rather enjoyed) which meant they would only play tape delay of his in-car from then forward (which sucked since that was the only good material they had all day). Now there is Wally, who, despite being a bit of a douche himself, does know his stuff. I can tolerate him, and I can tolerate Larry McRenyolds, but his voice was a problem today. I understood JP Monyota easier (we will get into that later) than Larry's laryngytisized (I made that word up) voice. Then, as if things weren't already a disaster, they ran four (YES 4) commercial breaks during the last 20 green flag laps. WTF are they thinking (my BFF Jill)? There was great racing all the way around the track and we were all waiting for the fuel to run dry for the leaders and these guys are hawking the Bill Engvall show (also a douchebag, by the way). As if that wasn't enough, they go to commercial before the third place car even crosses the freaking start/finish line! Another set of commercials involving a crappy fourth Die Hard movie (third, fourth, whatever, just let me rant for a minute) and then they get to the good part - the Montoya Interview.

But, before I get into that debacle THEY NEVER RAN THE FINISHING POSITIONS ON THE TV! Right before they cut away to Vin Diesel in Pitch Black (see, now they have me promoting their crappy third-class network) the did show the championship standings, but never the finishing positions. Gee, Thanks, you a$$holes.

Now the entertaining stuff - Juan Pablo Montoya pulled out his first victory in the Cup Series and only his second in a stock car, and this time he didn't have to wreck a teammate to get there. I have to admit, he is one great race car driver, but what he is not is a great English speaker. He did a great "yob" driving, and his crew did a great "yob", but he pretty much wrecked in the post race interview. I'm not 100% sure what he said after the race, but I swear to god he said something about herpes twice. I only pray I can locate a sound bite from that post race somewhere because it is pure comic genius. He is all excited and out of breath and speaking Spanglish like Bumblebee Man on the Simpsons, and he's telling the world about his herpes? El petimetre, toma algunas lecciones de discurso, (go here http://ets.freetranslation.com/ to find out what that means, by the way) you are a public figure in a largely Caucasian blue-collar American environment. Even Vicki thought he was saying herpes. Hairpins:herpes; tomato:tomatoe; douchebag:douche bag. Whatever.

Oh, by the way, the #26 car of Jamie McMurray led a great chunk of the end of that race, only to finish 37th. Dude, you knew you were going to run out of fuel. You know what I do in those situations? I stop for more. Apparently Jamie and Crew Chief Larry Carter missed that 30 seconds of drivers education. Jesus, I went through the Michigan Public School system and even I can figure that one out. What he needs is an idiot light in that car. Had he stopped, he would have likely salvaged a top 20. Yes, yes, yes. HE WAS ELIMINATED FROM THE SURVIVOR SERIES TODAY. Yep, I lost a driver. But, not by much. It looks like Steve Shaffer's #70 eked out another week with a poor, but not poor enough finish of 31st. For a long time during hat race douche-cast I was brainstorming how I was going to sympathize with Shaffer after getting stuck with Johnny Sauter, but who's laughing now? Actually, I can't complain, Sauter is one of my favorite drivers and McMurray is a homo (have you noticed that he mentions his "girlfriend" in every interview? Hmmmm. can you say "beard"), but that doesn't mean I have to go easy on either one.

Next week we go back to turning left the whole time. Yay! NHIS at 1:00 on Sunday on, you guessed it, TNT. This means it will likely start at about 4:30.

Anyway, here are the current standings.

Eliminated Drivers:

Dover - #2 Kurt Busch (Scott Mann)
Charlotte - #16 Greg Biffle (Jon Lommerin)
Pocono - #48 Jimmy Johnson (Jon Lommerin) - ELIMINATED
Michigan - #17 Matt Kenseth (Kenny Ross)
Sonoma - #veintiséis (thats #26 for those of from north of the border) Jamie McMurray (ME)

Survivors:

#24 (Inskeep)
#12 (Inskeep)
#99 (Ross)
#11 (Thornton)
#31 (Krakowski)
#07 (Krakowski)
#8 (Shaffer)
#70 (Shaffer)
#20 (Mann)
#29 (Mikesell)
#5 (Mikesell)